There are moments in our lives when we fall into voids without being able to connect with anyone. But, regardless of that, we feel good because even if we can’t connect with anyone or anything, we feel connected to ourselves, in what we believe in and in what makes us feel good.

And, what could we name this? Well, I named it “A Change of Matrix.” Because I felt that I wasn’t aligned in the matrix or the world of anyone, distancing myself more and more from their reality and focusing on mine. I realized that, in a way, I advanced in the levels of the matrix… and how did I realize? 

But, so that you understand me better, what is the matrix? The “Matrix” refers to an artificial reality in order to control and manipulate people, making them believe that they are living normal lives while their minds are connected to a simulation or reality without questioning and without seeing what is right or wrong. It is more like being programmed on “autopilot” and living life without any destination.

Knowing that,

I realized that, in a way, I advanced in the levels of the matrix… *get to the end of this post to learn more about the levels of the matrix*

And how did I realize it? Well, I observed that certain people around me were still living the life that had been imposed on them, with the norms and social constructs of what a person should be and do in society.

This point is very important to realize if you live in an imposed reality or, as I have learned to see it, if you live in the lower levels of the matrix, being a person of the “ordinary.” The key is to realize if you break with that straight line of what has been imposed on us as right and wrong. And if you break it, well, you’re no longer ordinary…

A few months ago, I was in a moment where I didn’t feel any deep connection with almost anyone. But, why? I stopped being the one who sought out my friends, the one who made more effort or took the initiative. I also realized the things that didn’t please me in my friendships and distanced myself. I saw my friends continue with their lives, and I was happy for them, but from a distance… because there was something that still didn’t click for me, and why I wanted to keep myself away.

I found myself in the loneliest moment of my life, but I liked it, because I felt aligned with myself, with God, and with my spirituality. I spent days alone with my pets and with my nani, the famous “Niña Mary, and that was enough for me. And it was definitely a good moment for me, because I was able to understand the type of friendships I wanted with others and the selectivity of people in my life.

I spent a while without having real conversations with my friends until I began to realize what was happening.

I noticed that each of my friends had characteristics that made me uncomfortable. Each situation was unique, but some of the reasons included differences in their lifestyle with which I didn’t identify, the people they surrounded themselves with, which made me question my friendship with them, the lack of reciprocity in support, their opinions and perspectives on life, and the lack of inspiration and ambition with which we used to be connected. 

Would they have been in another level of the matrix? Maybe yes, and for that reason, I didn’t understand them…

I let time pass, and one day a friend texted me asking how I was, and the conversation flowed very well, we texted for a while, until we agreed that the next day we would see each other,

And so it was, we went for coffee y un pancito, I opened up why I had been distant for a while, and she listened to me attentively, and I felt so nice because my friend understood that I needed space to understand why I didn’t feel connected to her, to my friends, to my own soul siblings. Finally, she reaffirmed that no relationship or situation could change our friendship, no matter what time of life we find ourselves in, no matter how turbulent it may be.

And that’s how she encouraged me to try talking to my other friends. I mentioned all my discomforts, and we all agreed to be better for ourselves, improve the things that bothered each other, and be ourselves.

At the end of my estrangement, I reconnected with my siblings, and in a purer and stronger way. But something else that I liked, that caught my attention, and that aroused my curiosity, is that I began to connect with a person that I would never have imagined. It was someone I had known for years, but who was simply an acquaintance. I started randomly hanging out with this person and realized that we had many things in common, that we felt so at ease together, and that we were simply in the same reality, in the same level of the matrix…

Joking around con esta personita, we never imagined being together at that moment, but we understood one thing, we had years of knowing each other but simply never had a real opportunity to get to know each other deeply, and that’s okay because for some reason it must have been, and I love getting to know the worlds of new people at this moment in my life.

Now, I want to talk about a situation that often happens among friends because #ITHASHAPPENEDTOME, and I consider that it falls into the topic of friendships, and it’s when the friendship changes when one of them enters into a relationship. 

What happens? There begin to be changes, such as stopping doing things that were very common between the two because your friend’s partner doesn’t like it, you notice a certain indifference from that partner, you realize that your friend’s world is only about the friend´s partner, everything is related to them, and they can no longer live on their own,

It’s really disappointing because you see your friend falling into a bubble where they have locked themselves in a world without expecting more, and in my case, I no longer feel inspiration or ambition on their part because they are sinking into a regular world that doesn’t bring them much, and therefore, not much to me as their friend, 

And you could tell me, “everyone with their life and everyone with their partners,” and you’re right, everyone with themselves. However, the simple fact of seeing your friend losing light and becoming an ordinary person, being absorbed by someone else’s world, is very sad and a clear example of a change in the matrix of both.

Talking about personality matters, I consider that when you enter a relationship there is no major thing to change about you, if you know what you are worth, nor to restrict yourself things for the other person. I think the right way is the union of both worlds and that each person enters the other’s world, getting to know their inner circle, their passions, their fears, their everything, but in a joint way without one absorbing the other, maintaining their essence and being true to themselves. 

On the other hand, it happens that you no longer feel aligned with your friends in thoughts, ideas, ways of seeing life, and even opinions on important issues for you. You have reached the point where you are so different that you have nothing in common, and therefore, your paths no longer go in the same direction, 

This can happen, and I don’t think it’s good or bad, simply both no longer connect by many factors. Some examples could be: I came out as bisexual and my friends are uncomfortable with this, or I start supporting safe abortion, and my friends are uncomfortable due to their beliefs. They can be important aspects part of your personality, and if your “friends” don’t respect them, well, you were never made for each other, you stopped having these friends, and if you have them, they are good and sincere. 

And here I want to touch on a very important point; here you know if you have a friend for life, a true sibling. “The most beautiful discovery true friends make is that they can grow separately without growing apart.” ~ Elizabeth Foley. 

This means that true friendship allows friends to grow and develop individually without meaning that they distance themselves or lose their connection, staying united overtime, despite the differences and changes in each other’s lives.

A true friend is someone you feel comfortable with and will not hesitate to open up to. It’s like throwing a boomerang and it comes back to you even stronger… 

The union of a friendship is the connection, and each one feels and knows what theirs is, depending on the experiences and bonds they share. The connection with my friends will be different from yours, but what makes it special is that it’s only yours. Hold onto it and take care of it, but together.

Now I will talk about another very important point, boundaries with friends. In all kinds of relationships, it is very important to establish boundaries so that each party understands the other in the best way. With friends, it is very important to do this, because they are the people who usually have spent or will spend most of their lives with us.

For you to understand me, I’ll tell you some situations as examples,

You agreed with your friend to go eat something, but you feel very tired because you left work late, the traffic is very heavy, and you just want to go home to rest. You tell the person you made plans with that it’s better to leave it for another day, and this person gets upset. Here you have to set a boundary on the energy and desire you have at the moment, prioritizing yourself, and simply not wanting to go out anymore. And if this person is truly your friend, they will understand and reassure you that it’s okay, and that you can meet another day without any problem.

Another situation would be that when you’re with your friend, they only talk about a specific topic, for example, only touching on the topic of their famous ex. If you made plans with this person, it is to be with them, have a pleasant time, and have fun. Here you have to set another boundary, which would be more or less: “Hey, don’t get upset, but do you think we could change the subject? It’s just that we always talk about the same thing, and I would like you to tell me other things about you, how your week has been, for example, and I also want to tell you some things about me.”

This is what would be “setting boundaries,” but remember that you always have to do it in a respectful way, it’s the best and healthiest for any type of relationship, to respect and know what someone’s limit is or how far a person can go. 

But well, that’s it for today’s post.

I hope you liked it, and that we all have been able to learn from the words of others. I love you so much!

Till’ next time…